A Positive Mindset AND Emotional Integrity

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I've been reflecting a LOT about BALANCE lately and specifically about things NOT having to be an EITHER/OR option. No black or white but a multitude of grey.

You know, there is such collective awareness developing and deepening about the absolute importance of having a positive mindset. Quite literally, your mindset can change your life! I truly believe that. However, I've also noticed that depending on how we label things, ie/ either positive or negative, it can have a profound effect on our emotional health. What if I said to you that ACKNOWLEDGING HOW YOU FEEL AND HAVING A POSITIVE MINDSET ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE?

Let me ask you, do you label your emotions as positive or negative? If so, which emotions are positive, and which are negative? In a majority of cases (at least from my experience) most people will label Joy and Happiness as POSITIVE, and Anger, Fear, Grief, Shame and Joy as NEGATIVE. Let's say this is the case... If we have labelled only one emotion (with its many variants) as positive, how freely do you think you are going to allow your other "NEGATIVE" emotions if you want to maintain your positive mindset?

What I really want to share with you is a different perspective... a grounded perspective that regardless of how you LABEL your emotions, you can actually feel them AND maintain your positive mindset... 

You see, a positive mindset and acknowledgment and allowance  (and permission) to FEEL how it is you are actually feeling can quite easily co-exist. The reason being... Mindset is in your HEAD and feelings/emotions are in your HEART. Your positive mindset isn't going to be tarnished by actually feeling because THEY ARE OPERATING FROM TWO DIFFERENT ORGANS WITHIN YOUR BODY. :)  Kinda cool huh?

Reality is... you can't THINK your way out of a FEELING... I'll say that again... YOU CAN'T THINK YOUR WAY OUT OF A FEELING... You may think that you can OVERRIDE it by ignoring it but DENYING that feeling because you PERCEIVE it as negative and REPLACING it with a positive thought does not actually negate the actual feeling... it just means that you are denying the energy to be RELEASED and SURRENDERED and DISOWNING a very human part of you. That energy doesn't miraculously disappear because ... you CAN'T THINK IT AWAY!!... right?  You actually hold onto it and it gets held in the cells of your body. If you think about the energy behind the emotion of anger... it's got some force behind it, right? Imagine if you continually DISALLOW this feeling over and over and over. Imagine just how much energy and power your little cells are carrying? It's kinda no wonder it ends up manifesting physically right? Think migraines or arthritis...? 

You know, this all comes back to the relationship that you have with yourself and how you actually FEEL and RESPOND to ALL aspects of you. Having this approach with your mindset and emotions being in harmony rather than in battle with each other... kinda sounds like a whole lot more calmness and peace in your everyday life... right? 

I see the shifts with my clients over and over again when the relationship with their head and heart is in unison rather than conflict… There is ease, peace and flow… it truly is a gamechanger. Reach out if you want to change your own life game. l

Until next time xx

The Disintegration of Conditional Love

Loving yourself isn't something that we are all naturally great at. Like anything else in this world, it comes more easily for some than for others. That's just the way things work and love really isn't any different. For me personally, it's something that I have always found incredibly difficult to do. I'm extremely hard on myself and critical that I can always do better. I'm a perfectionist and the type of person who can set a bar to reach but just as I get there and reach it, I have already moved it to the next level. You know, there are lots of reasons why I am like I am, some are experientially related from my childhood, however, a lot of it just has to do with my personality. Either way, it doesn't really matter, the result is the same. I just find it damn hard to love myself. 

For years, I've read books and heard people say that you must do the work on yourself because you cannot love another unless you love yourself. To be honest, that concept alone was just another reason I could be really hard on myself and make myself wrong about. I mean, I've done a bucket load of work and continue to do so, yet apparently, with this concept, my love is still pretty limited. I started to actually think about whether I believe this or not and reality is, I don't. What resonates as true for me is that my love for OTHERS is actually the thing that TEACHES me to love myself. I hope that by sharing this perspective, those of you who don't find it easy to love yourself can let yourselves off the hook and know that maybe your love grows from the outside in, rather than the inside out. 

So, I've never been any different in that I have always had more allowance for others than I do for myself. This being said, it stands to reason that it's a whole lot easier to love others. At times in my life, this has been to my own detriment however it's also the very special part of me that enables me to hold such a strong place for people to reconnect with themselves in my work. I think back to a time, over a decade ago when I was at my lowest. The level of hatred I had for myself, was, on a scale of 1 to 10, about a 50. What I was most frustrated with was that I couldn't express my feelings. I had been taught that there was only one positive emotion and that was happiness and joy, however, I had a truckload of every other emotion spilling out all over the place. I had absolutely no love for myself at all at that time. So with the concept of I couldn't possibly love anyone else if I didn't love myself, what do you think happened? Well, it just made me feel worse and hate myself even more. 

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I think about how I was then and ask myself, did I actually love anything or anyone? With not one ounce of hesitation, I can say YES! At a time when I had absolutely no love for myself, the thing that kept me going was the love I had for my children and my husband. Not only did it keep me going, but it was the love I had for them that actually made me want to feel better about myself. Even more than that, it was that love I had for them that kept me on my healing path, even when it was so very difficult and I thought I couldn't do it, it kept me going. That love that I had for them became my guide and teacher in bringing me out of the darkness I was in and into the light. It taught me to find love for myself again. 

You know this life we are living is fluid. Sometimes we will be up and other times we will be down. It's in those down times when we need love the most, however, it's also at these times that it can be hardest to give it to ourselves. That's not something to punish ourselves about or make ourselves believe that because we can't love ourselves right now, we don't love others. Rather, I like to think of it as receiving the gift of love from others at those times as a guide and helping hand back into the state of being able to have a love for ourselves. And just as we receive that gift from others, we, in turn, are able to give it to others in the times when they don't have it for themselves too. 

Love isn't something that is conditional, however, we as humans are the ones who make it so. Loving others isn't conditional on loving ourselves and it's not something that is fixed either. Like every other emotion, it is energy and sometimes it is bigger than at other times.  By freeing ourselves from these conditions we have been taught to place on love, it allows us to receive and give love in it's purest form just as it was always meant to be.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and if you know someone who you think could benefit from these words, please feel free to share. 

Until next time xxx

 

An Emotional Evolution

I remember as a little girl being taught by pretty well every person I came into contact with, as well as the greater collective, that there was one positive emotion to strive for and that was to be happy. Of course, I wanted to feel happy and was happy a lot of the time, but I also felt a lot of every other emotion, you know, all the ones that the world was telling me were negative... Did that mean I was negative and bad? Was there really something wrong with me? Why couldn't I just feel happy? I didn't want to be bad and I didn't want to be different so I learned to push what I was feeling down and hide away everything other than happy - not very well I might add, but as best I could.  

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I didn't understand what I was feeling and I certainly had absolutely no clue what being an empath was. Not only was I feeling all of my own emotions, but also those of everyone I came into contact with! This lead to so much frustration, pain and loneliness for me. I used to get so angry with myself that I wasn't normal and I hated feeling so much of everything all of the time. It was downright exhausting. 

I struggled with this confusion into my late 20's by which time all of the squashings of my "other" emotions, making myself wrong, anger and frustration resulted in a major depression. Quite literally, my emotions were so depressed and suppressed inside of me that I couldn't hold them anymore. As is often the case, reaching this crisis point meant I had to do something different and this is when a whole new world opened up for me. I started on a path of finally understanding and being able to acknowledge all of my emotions and I finally started to understand why I felt everything around me so very deeply. 

I began to explore and understand the energies behind each of our emotions. Reading and listening to everything I could get my hands on. Ultimately realising that there are no negative or positive emotions, but rather negative and positive RESPONSES, REACTIONS and BEHAVIOURS to them. 

Ten years on, and I have a far different relationship with myself and my emotions. Sure, I still experience a lot of discomfort at times with the intensity of them, however, I don't have that judgment anymore about them being good or bad. I have a deep understanding that each and everything I feel, no matter how uncomfortable at times, is valid and not only valid, it's actually what makes me human. I allow myself to feel angry, I understand that it's the energy behind it that enables me to find out what things mean to me, whether it works and to make changes. I allow myself to feel sad. I understand that sadness is a grieving process of some perceived loss I am experiencing and that it's actually okay. Anyway....you get the idea..

You know, understanding yourself, understanding how you feel and why makes all the difference in the relationship you have with not only yourself but those around you. Allowing yourself to feel how you actually do without the judgment of it being either a good or bad thing is something so very special. It not only allows you to just be as you are in your truth at that time but also opens your heart to make it okay for others to be and feel exactly as they do too. (Parents... this is the ultimate gift for your children!)

I think back to all of the confusion and pain I experienced in not understanding my emotions and on reflection, I wouldn't actually change any of it.  That feeling part of me that I despised and hated so very much is actually the part that has allowed me to be able to hold a space for others and be able to do the sacred and grounded work I do. When I receive words like this from my a very dear client, "For the first time in my life, I was able to work with someone who could sit with me in my deep emotions without fear or judgment", quite simply, it just makes it all worth it...

And isn't it funny, sometimes our greatest gifts to this world are disguised and hidden in our own confusion and pain... we just have to have the courage to unravel it all to find them!

Until next time xxx

 

The Path of the SHADOW WORKER

So we are all pretty familiar with the term Lightworker huh? To me it means someone who is in service of the planet, bringing more light into the world. It's a beautiful term and one I've been called many times yet for me personally, it doesn't resonate fully. It makes me feel uncomfortable and not because I don't think I am but because this term only addresses a portion of me. You see, I am actually a shadow or dark worker and have been specialising in this field for over 7 years. It's taken me quite some time to be able to really integrate and own this as the true essence of my being but I am now finally able to and I really want to share what a shadow worker is and actually does and how it fits in with the big picture for the planet. It's very different to just someone who "does shadow work" and I'll tell you how. 

Since forever I have been drawn to the darker side of the things. I'm a really deep thinker and feeler and have always had a billion questions about things that aren't so obvious. I usually have a bit of a different or alternative way of looking at things and maybe even what you'd refer to as a non-obvious thinker. My first choice in a movie is always either the psychological thriller or horror movie to see the thinking behind the behaviour, I always wake between 2-3am and find it the most beautiful of times as it is actually when the world is at it's most quiet and the noise has stopped. I am fascinated with docu-series about human behaviour and the trauma that is acted upon if emotions are left undealt with. I prefer the moon and its mysteriousness over the intensity of the sun and the cooler months when the world is a little quieter and darker. I've always wanted to understand truth where it's not obvious and the meaning behind things. This is just how I'm wired and am just naturally more attuned to the shadow world. It's not a "thing I do" but rather the path that has been mapped out by something bigger than me. It's a part of my innate being. 

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In the past, I've been told by those who don't understand and actually fear their own shadow that because I look at the darker side, I am on a vibrationally lower level to them, I have a poor mindset, I'm extremely negative or even a morbid person. It used to really upset me until I finally stopped judging myself that way. What I now know and want to share with you is what the dark/shadow workers of the world actually do. Firstly, in order to hold a space for others to explore and unveil what remains hidden, the shadow worker MUST have done the SHADOW work on themselves. Quite simply, there is NO OTHER WAY to be able to hold the space for others if you have not looked at this yourself! We have dissected parts of our own ego and found our own personal truth and higher self within it. In this process, we have reduced the fear and judgment around the feelings as being either positive or negative and have an understanding that there is a necessary and vital place for it all. My personal expertise within the shadow realms is being able to hold space for people to cathartically release their emotions. The intense range of emotions does not scare me and I am able to hold even the most intense of emotional release. 

Shadow working is all about taking a different path to the light by transmuting the darkness and expelling the fear around it so that the parts of us that remain hidden in these darker places can be brought out into the open. You may actually be really surprised at how many gifts and talents are hiding out in your shadow too because, for whatever reason, there has been a fear of acknowledging them. 

As a shadow worker, I am able to gently guide, support and walk with you into your shadow holding the most sacred space for you meet the parts of yourself that you fear the most. It is such an honour and a privilege to witness the vulnerability, authenticity and pureness that is this work. All of my own experience in finding my way to the light by addressing my own shadow through many years of depression, anxiety, suicidal tendancies and attempts, I now see as the ultimate gifts for my understanding, empathy and ability to hold this space for others. 

If any of you would like to know more about this work, reach out, I'd love to give you any and all information I can! Understanding, acknowledging and ultimately accepting those parts of you that are hidden in your shadow are where the ultimate level of self-love and acceptance are reached. The dark workers of the world aren't people to be feared or judged, it's just how we find our own and are able to assist others in finding their way to the light. 

Please feel free to share this blog with your friends, communities and networks and if you would like any more detail or further discussion, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Until next time xx