Endings... The place of new beginnings

(Published September 2017 on a previous website)

2017 saw a lot of things winding up for me, notably the biggest being completing my training with the Beautiful You Life Coaching Academy.

To say that this was a very intense personal and professional training is an understatement as the lessons learned have touched so many areas of my life. Quite literally, I gave it everything and, as is the case when one does, the impact has been huge. One thing I really noticed upon my completion, was the collective energy of "and now it's time to celebrate!"

Hmmm... well, you know what, that's kinda the last thing I've actually felt like doing. Since our beautiful completion process, I've actually been feeling pretty flat and have just wanted to take a bit of time away from the busyness of everything and be on my own. Time to reflect and integrate and "let the dust settle" if you will.  Fortunately, I am able to give myself that time and space but I have more than once asked myself the age-old question of mine "I wonder what's wrong with me that I don't feel like celebrating?". The outside world seems to be saying I should (arrrghh! anyone who knows me will know how much I loathe this word) but that's just not how I feel.

shutterstock_70363381.jpg

To understand both my reaction and the collective reaction to my reaction, let's start with an understanding of what an ending actually is. Basically, it's the conclusion of something, I don't have what I once did - right??

I have been a part of this incredible learning space, with constant support, not only from my trainers but an amazing group of supportive, like-minded women. It's been a very intense space, not only from the course content learning side but also personally. I go into spaces like this bringing all of me, as I am and that's a pretty vulnerable place to be coming from so emotionally, it can be a bit of a rollercoaster. There was a lot of structure in the course and I was in a space of being accountable for your own progress throughout. Upon its conclusion, this all came to an end. And when I say an end, I mean an end to as it once was, in this structure and this particular format. I've had a lot of people say to me, but you should be happy - look at everything you've achieved! (there's that word again) and don't see this as an ending, this is only the beginning and there's so much to come. Whilst that is all true and I love them for their love and support, for me, the reality of it RIGHT in that moment was this course has actually ended and I'm just going to let myself feel the ending and allow what comes with that before I jump into the next exciting, big thing. It doesn't actually mean I'm not happy with my achievements or being down on myself. I just wasn't ready to move onto the celebratory part...just yet! 

You know, it's a beautiful part of our human nature to want people to be happy but the reality is, to be whole, there's a lot of other emotions hanging around in us and these are more than okay too. I've done enough work on myself to be completely okay with the flatness I was feeling but I do think, lots of people are really uncomfortable with it - really uncomfortable with MY flatness. I haven't been a blubbering mess or not been able to get out of bed, I've just been allowing myself to GRIEVE at the LOSS of something as it once was. Somehow, grieving seems only permissible when it is associated with death, but here's the thing... we grieve a death because it is a loss of something, someone that we once had so why would it be any different with any other loss? 

Have a think about it... how many people get the Sunday Blues? (grieving the loss of the weekend)

How many people feel flat and are feeling low on the return after a holiday (grieving the end of the fun and family time that once was - Oh Disneyland!!)

How many brides and grooms feel a little lost and sad after all the festivities associated with a wedding having come to an end? (grieving the loss of the excitement of the big day and honeymoon)

The main point I really want to share is that feeling a little blaaah, getting a little sad, not wanting to kick up your heels and pop the Champagne corks STRAIGHT away after concluding something is OKAY and GRIEVING the end of something, the LOSS of it not being what it once was.... is OKAY. It is also a time to INTEGRATE everything that you have just been through.

I am a massive believer in celebrating and the importance of it but just remember, we all do it in our own way, in our own time and that's more than OKAY!!