A Step-by-Step Guide for Finding the SUPPORT you want!

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you really want something in your life, however, you just have no idea how to actually get it? I found myself in this situation for years in my business. I was wanting to find a network of supportive women, a community of sorts. I didn't just want to be in a group to BE supported, but also to be able to find my confidence to share and support OTHERS. I would join different groups, however, I would always end up with the EXACT same outcome. I would feel okay for a little while, and then slowly but surely I would clam up and eventually disappear from the group altogether.

What I didn't really understand is what support actually MEANT to me, what KIND of support I was actually wanting and what I NEEDED in order to FEEL supported. To put it really simply, I had never really gotten to understand myself enough to be able to define these things! Kinda sounds simple huh? but you know, in a world full of social media, with pages of people asking you join their communities for support and when you do, feeling the EXACT opposite of being SUPPORTED, you really can start feeling like there must be something wrong with you! Reality is, there's nothing wrong with the group AND there's nothing wrong with you, it's just it isn't the fit you need. Can you relate? How many groups have you joined, communities are you a part of where you just don't feel like you it's the right fit? How often do you fade away into the background?  Well, I have some seriously awesome news for you! Through my many years of discomfort in doing this, I've actually formulated a very simple step by step guide to ensure that YOU are CLEAR on the WHAT support means, WHY you are wanting it, WHO can meet you in this and HOW to find them! Sounds pretty cool huh?! I'll walk you through my steps and show you how I have finally found the support I have been searching for. 

The first step is defining what SUPPORT actually means to you? Everyone will have their own definition of this so really getting clear on WHAT it means for you is imperative. For me, the support I was looking for in my business was a space where I could be myself, where I could express myself in safety without any fear of being judged. Where I could be seen and heard without being TOLD how I needed to be. Space where I could ask for advice, yet be given the freedom of taking the advice that best suited me. Space where that support was able to be received AND provided.

Once you are clear on YOUR personal definition of support, the next step is to answer the question WHY do I want this support. What are you hoping to achieve by having this support? How will it make you FEEL? My why was to feel like a part of something where I could gain confidence in a gentle way, MY way, yet also have the opportunity to really support others as well. To communicate, collaborate, a place where a relationship could be established. 

Next is working out the TYPE of people that are able to support you in the way that you want and need. This is a big one! This really requires you to understand YOU! How YOU work, your personal qualities, what serves you and what does the opposite. So, I know I'm highly sensitive, an emotional empath and can be quite shy. Safety is paramount for me. What I really needed more than anything was to be with people where this would actually be okay. I wanted to be in a community where doing things gently was okay. Where strength wasn't determined by the level of HUSTLE but rather, a softer approach was not only valued but seen as equally strong. 

The final step is HOW to actually find this support. For me, it was reading, learning and listening. Not only from the people delivering content but also from other people's responses and reactions and soon enough, you will get a real clue as to WHO can give you the support you are actually looking for. 

Once you actually have all of this information in front of you... I can tell you that you have your map to find what it is you are after and with this level of clarity... you WILL actually find it if that is what you want! 

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For me personally, I have found and am a part of the Gentle Business Mastermind. The founders Amanda, Nicola and Naomi are like a dream come true for a woman who has always questioned whether she can actually make it in the world of business. The example of doing business gently that serves you in the highest possible way whilst honouring fundamentally who you are is the ultimate display of strength I have been searching for. What has happened for me in having this support by not only these three incredible women but the broader group of amazing, talented humans has been incredible. I've become even more clear and confident in my message of the power of transforming a deep connection with oneself, I finally have some consistency and discipline with my business, I am sharing more and more with people and am confident in this sharing, I'm connecting with a broader audience than I ever have before and I am finally seeing myself as a woman of business. 

 

When you understand YOURSELF and what YOU truly need to FEEL the way YOU really want, there literally is only one outcome available and that is the ability to source and deliver a way to actually make all of this happen!

I hope this will help you in finding the support you are wanting and if you would like your own support to explore and understand what YOU really need, please don't hesitate to reach out to me!

And, to check out the incredible things Amanda, Nicola and Naomi are doing in the world of business in their own beautiful way... the links are below.. 

www.amandarootsey.com.au
www.naomiarnold.com
www.nicolanewman.com

Until next time xx

Embracing your INNER CRITIC

How do you feel about your inner critic? The most common response I have heard when I ask anyone this is along the lines of hating it, it's annoying, or I wish I could just get rid of it. But I want to offer you a bit of a different perspective in the hope that if I ask you the exact same question at the end of reading this, some of you may respond a whole lot different. 

So I'll make the claim right now that I am an EXPERT in the area of the inner critic! Why? My inner critic and I know each other INTIMATELY. She makes multiple daily appearances in my life and no amount of shooing her away or wishing she wasn't there makes ANY difference at all except maybe making her more persistent! The reality is, she's still there and wishing and wanting it not to be so is just a big waste of time and energy. I realised many years ago that for me, I really had to have a different approach and do something different so I decided to get to know the face behind the voice and start building a relationship with her. 

That face is that of my inner child. That shy, timid little girl who used to be afraid of EVERYTHING! That little girl who didn't know how to say no and just did what everyone told her because they knew better than she did. That little girl who was TERRIFIED of making a mistake, who was the ultimate perfectionist. The disempowered people pleaser. The little girl who was picked on and bullied because she was an easy target and never said anything back. Yep... that little girl. She was the voice of my inner critic. Naming her in this way and thinking about the little girl I was, I kinda felt a little sorry for her and it got me thinking as to how I treat her every time I hear her. Wishing her gone, hating her, hoping she'll disappear. it's just ignoring her all over again. 

What if all that little girl actually needed at that exact moment she was being critical was a little UNDERSTANDING and ACKNOWLEDGMENT? I decided to try it out and goodness me, let me tell you... it is a GAME CHANGER! 

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Reality is, you can't GET RID of your inner critic. It's a part of you. But what you can do is relate to it differently. These days, when she shows up as that little voice in my head, I acknowledge her and actually THANK her for being there and let her know that she can relax and I, AS THE ADULT have got this (This is SELF-PARENTING 101). After all, I don't actually think she is trying to be mean to me, I think she's just scared and it's her way of trying to keep me safe! This really does make sense as when I say I was scared of everything as a child, I pretty well was so it's no wonder she shows up so often. By doing this little process in my head, that inner child is able to relax and rather than pushing her away, I have actually shown myself the love, kindness, compassion and acknowledgment I need to alleviate my fear. 

Our inner critic isn't just some random pop up in our own head that is trying to hurt us but rather is our own fear presenting itself. It's a real opportunity for us to show ourselves love and compassion at a moment when we need it the most. This inner critic is an aspect of our inner child and we have to stop calling her mean and cruel and understand that she's just scared. A simple acknowledgment (or sometimes two or three) really can transform your whole relationship with this aspect of yourself and will not only provide you with the ability to move forward in a moment but also deepen the relationship you have with yourself as a whole. 

I do a lot of this work with my clients and I can tell you that being witness to people transforming this area of their relationship with themselves is one of the most beautiful and precious experiences. Reconnecting with aspects that are normally considered negative, bad or wrong and relating to them differently is where ultimate peace is experienced. 

Until next time xxx

 

 

How HAPPINESS can exist only in ACCEPTANCE

George Orwell once wrote, HAPPINESS CAN EXIST ONLY IN ACCEPTANCE. I remember hearing this quote years ago and being a little confused and confronted by it. I mean, acceptance of what exactly? I'd always been taught and had the understanding that being happy was associated with being positive, and having a good attitude? Where exactly was the mention of that?  

As I've started to awaken, unravel my conditioning and expose my limiting beliefs, I've realised that this quote is more spot on than I even realised. So much so that I actually believe that a true measure of how HAPPY you are, can be measured directly from the level of acceptance you have of all of the perceived NEGATIVE parts about you. I'll tell you what I mean. 

It's really easy to feel great about the things we like about ourselves. Those things that we view as positive and the outside world reaffirms for us that they are. It's all NICE and PLEASANT and these are things that make us happy right? because they FEEL good... right? and if happiness was actually measured and only included these things, we would all be living in bliss... right? But let's get really real here, take a look around... it's just simply not the case is it? 

We are human and being human means that we JUDGE and judgment is the opposite of acceptance. We decide and place an energy to something in our beautifully human way, if it's POSITIVE, we can feel HAPPY about it, if it's NEGATIVE, well...... this is where this lack of acceptance has a direct correlation to our happiness! 

I'll give you a personal example. So, anyone who knows me knows that I can be a little bit of a drama queen at times, just a little! I used to get so ashamed of this aspect of myself, I used to despise it and I used to pretend I wasn't. The shame, hate and pretence didn't change the fact that I am but on the surface it made me feel a bit better. However, lurking underneath, this lack of acceptance of this part of me resulted in an internal battle of denial and battles don't really equate to a lot of happiness, do they? I made a very conscious decision to lift the curtains on this and to try to understand myself a little more. Slowly, but surely I started to understand WHY, as a child, being DRAMATIC became a way of having my needs met. I started to relate to myself with compassion and kindness and most importantly with understanding and slowly but very surely, rather than judging this aspect of me, I have a level of acceptance of it. There's no internal battle anymore and I am not triggered like I used to be around other people who were sooo dramatic! haha! There's a level of comfort with it now, a level of acceptance if you like and with this comes an ease, a grace, an okayness resulting in a true feeling of happiness. 

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Kinda cool huh? These days rather than being angry when other people have this aspect showing around me, I have EMPATHY and it doesn't affect MY overall ENERGY or mood or happiness. You see, the most beautiful part of acceptance and working on the relationship we have with ourselves is that once we accept the things inside of us that we find so challenging, we can ACCEPT them in other people and this not only makes us individually happier but spreads it like wildfire into the outside world! And that's kinda what we all want isn't it? 

If you're interested in deepening the relationship with yourself through the art of self-acceptance... drop me a line! I promise you, it will be well worth it! 

Until next time xxx

How to experience an abundance of JOY from your EXPECTATIONS, (rather than killing it!)

We've all heard the saying, EXPECTATION IS THE KILLER OF JOY, right? And goodness, I've not only experienced this so many times myself, but I see it all the time in the world around me. But hey, what if turn this around so that rather than being the killer of joy, it can actually be the creator of it! Sounds pretty cool huh?!!! 

Firstly, we need to understand what an expectation actually is and why it so often falls so short. By definition, an expectation is a strong belief that something will happen. So what that really means is that it's something that we, as a human being MAKE UP in our head. We put a value on something we are doing and EXPECT others to react to it in a certain way. Well, I'm not too sure about you, but hearing it in this way, is it really any wonder that more often than not, we are left feeling disappointed, let down, sad and angry??? 

An expectation is a value that YOU decide something should have but really, how do you know how everyone else is going to react to something? We all place our unique values on different things so it's completely unrealistic to think that we can have an across the board expectation that everyone fits in to... isn't it? 

This being said, it's human nature to have expectations so let's not do the whole, "just don't have them!" thing, rather, let pull this apart so we can experience JOY from our expectations. I want to use a real-life example for me that I had last week just so you can really see how this plays out. 

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So, last week my website went live. A really big deal for me. It is a culmination of pretty much the past 10 years all written down in a way that I am extremely proud of. Weeks of work went into its creation and it was really exciting for me. I've fallen into the expectation trap many times before but decided that this time I would really be conscious of what was going on to try to create a REALISTIC PERSONAL EXPECTATION rather than one that was based on SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF ME. 

Firstly, I acknowledged WHAT I had done to create this website... all of the time, effort and new learnings involved in its creation. I allowed MYSELF TO FEEL REALLY PROUD and I gave MYSELF THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I NEEDED to fill the expectation of WHAT I had achieved.

Secondly, I thought about WHY I created this website... My why was to be able to share the work that I am so passionate about with a greater audience - as many people as I possibly can. I allowed MYSELF TO FEEL REALLY PROUD of this and I gave MYSELF THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I NEEDED to fill the expectation of my WHY.  

Next, I thought about WHO I was wanting to share this with. I created a website directly speaking to my ideal client, the people I want to work with. I'd made this really clear and concise and  I allowed MYSELF TO FEEL REALLY PROUD and I gave MYSELF THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I NEEDED to fill the expectation of WHO I was reaching.

Finally, I thought about my OVERALL EXPECTATION. You know, in the past I probably would have thought that somehow putting this website out was going to bring me an influx of clients - like.. seriously, that day! However, consciously I thought about it. As a Transformation Coach, the two biggest requirements for my clients in order for them to want work with me is a feeling of TRUST and SAFETY. What I have created on my website is a PLATFORM for my potential new clients to get to know me.  I allowed MYSELF TO FEEL REALLY PROUD that I have created EXACTLY that platform and I gave MYSELF THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I NEEDED to fill my OVERALL EXPECTATION.

The other thing I remembered was that although this was the biggest thing in MY WORLD right now, it kinda wasn't going to be for anyone else!!!  BOOM!! Instant expectation game changer! 

When I put my website out into the world, I was filled to the brim with my own REALISTIC PERSONAL EXPECTATION having been met. I was feeling JOY in sharing it with the world. Because I had given MYSELF exactly what I had needed to feel seen and feel proud, I wasn't searching for these things from ANYBODY ELSE so any feedback I was given really only added to my joy. 

You know, anyone who knows me will know that one of my fundamental personal and business pillars is taking REAL and RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN LIFE. When we approach life in this way, we let the outside world and our family and friends off the hook from having to be our EVERYTHING and rather, we can actually start SEEING and APPRECIATING them for their gifts. 

When we start coming from this place of being responsible for ourselves in our expectations rather than putting them onto anyone else, you will actually experience an ABUNDANCE of joy from them rather than destroying that joy as YOU will be able to give YOU exactly what YOU need, in the way YOU need it!

Spread the word, folks!

Until next time xxxxx