A Positive Mindset AND Emotional Integrity

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I've been reflecting a LOT about BALANCE lately and specifically about things NOT having to be an EITHER/OR option. No black or white but a multitude of grey.

You know, there is such collective awareness developing and deepening about the absolute importance of having a positive mindset. Quite literally, your mindset can change your life! I truly believe that. However, I've also noticed that depending on how we label things, ie/ either positive or negative, it can have a profound effect on our emotional health. What if I said to you that ACKNOWLEDGING HOW YOU FEEL AND HAVING A POSITIVE MINDSET ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE?

Let me ask you, do you label your emotions as positive or negative? If so, which emotions are positive, and which are negative? In a majority of cases (at least from my experience) most people will label Joy and Happiness as POSITIVE, and Anger, Fear, Grief, Shame and Joy as NEGATIVE. Let's say this is the case... If we have labelled only one emotion (with its many variants) as positive, how freely do you think you are going to allow your other "NEGATIVE" emotions if you want to maintain your positive mindset?

What I really want to share with you is a different perspective... a grounded perspective that regardless of how you LABEL your emotions, you can actually feel them AND maintain your positive mindset... 

You see, a positive mindset and acknowledgment and allowance  (and permission) to FEEL how it is you are actually feeling can quite easily co-exist. The reason being... Mindset is in your HEAD and feelings/emotions are in your HEART. Your positive mindset isn't going to be tarnished by actually feeling because THEY ARE OPERATING FROM TWO DIFFERENT ORGANS WITHIN YOUR BODY. :)  Kinda cool huh?

Reality is... you can't THINK your way out of a FEELING... I'll say that again... YOU CAN'T THINK YOUR WAY OUT OF A FEELING... You may think that you can OVERRIDE it by ignoring it but DENYING that feeling because you PERCEIVE it as negative and REPLACING it with a positive thought does not actually negate the actual feeling... it just means that you are denying the energy to be RELEASED and SURRENDERED and DISOWNING a very human part of you. That energy doesn't miraculously disappear because ... you CAN'T THINK IT AWAY!!... right?  You actually hold onto it and it gets held in the cells of your body. If you think about the energy behind the emotion of anger... it's got some force behind it, right? Imagine if you continually DISALLOW this feeling over and over and over. Imagine just how much energy and power your little cells are carrying? It's kinda no wonder it ends up manifesting physically right? Think migraines or arthritis...? 

You know, this all comes back to the relationship that you have with yourself and how you actually FEEL and RESPOND to ALL aspects of you. Having this approach with your mindset and emotions being in harmony rather than in battle with each other... kinda sounds like a whole lot more calmness and peace in your everyday life... right? 

I see the shifts with my clients over and over again when the relationship with their head and heart is in unison rather than conflict… There is ease, peace and flow… it truly is a gamechanger. Reach out if you want to change your own life game. l

Until next time xx

An Emotional Evolution

I remember as a little girl being taught by pretty well every person I came into contact with, as well as the greater collective, that there was one positive emotion to strive for and that was to be happy. Of course, I wanted to feel happy and was happy a lot of the time, but I also felt a lot of every other emotion, you know, all the ones that the world was telling me were negative... Did that mean I was negative and bad? Was there really something wrong with me? Why couldn't I just feel happy? I didn't want to be bad and I didn't want to be different so I learned to push what I was feeling down and hide away everything other than happy - not very well I might add, but as best I could.  

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I didn't understand what I was feeling and I certainly had absolutely no clue what being an empath was. Not only was I feeling all of my own emotions, but also those of everyone I came into contact with! This lead to so much frustration, pain and loneliness for me. I used to get so angry with myself that I wasn't normal and I hated feeling so much of everything all of the time. It was downright exhausting. 

I struggled with this confusion into my late 20's by which time all of the squashings of my "other" emotions, making myself wrong, anger and frustration resulted in a major depression. Quite literally, my emotions were so depressed and suppressed inside of me that I couldn't hold them anymore. As is often the case, reaching this crisis point meant I had to do something different and this is when a whole new world opened up for me. I started on a path of finally understanding and being able to acknowledge all of my emotions and I finally started to understand why I felt everything around me so very deeply. 

I began to explore and understand the energies behind each of our emotions. Reading and listening to everything I could get my hands on. Ultimately realising that there are no negative or positive emotions, but rather negative and positive RESPONSES, REACTIONS and BEHAVIOURS to them. 

Ten years on, and I have a far different relationship with myself and my emotions. Sure, I still experience a lot of discomfort at times with the intensity of them, however, I don't have that judgment anymore about them being good or bad. I have a deep understanding that each and everything I feel, no matter how uncomfortable at times, is valid and not only valid, it's actually what makes me human. I allow myself to feel angry, I understand that it's the energy behind it that enables me to find out what things mean to me, whether it works and to make changes. I allow myself to feel sad. I understand that sadness is a grieving process of some perceived loss I am experiencing and that it's actually okay. Anyway....you get the idea..

You know, understanding yourself, understanding how you feel and why makes all the difference in the relationship you have with not only yourself but those around you. Allowing yourself to feel how you actually do without the judgment of it being either a good or bad thing is something so very special. It not only allows you to just be as you are in your truth at that time but also opens your heart to make it okay for others to be and feel exactly as they do too. (Parents... this is the ultimate gift for your children!)

I think back to all of the confusion and pain I experienced in not understanding my emotions and on reflection, I wouldn't actually change any of it.  That feeling part of me that I despised and hated so very much is actually the part that has allowed me to be able to hold a space for others and be able to do the sacred and grounded work I do. When I receive words like this from my a very dear client, "For the first time in my life, I was able to work with someone who could sit with me in my deep emotions without fear or judgment", quite simply, it just makes it all worth it...

And isn't it funny, sometimes our greatest gifts to this world are disguised and hidden in our own confusion and pain... we just have to have the courage to unravel it all to find them!

Until next time xxx

 

The Path of the SHADOW WORKER

So we are all pretty familiar with the term Lightworker huh? To me it means someone who is in service of the planet, bringing more light into the world. It's a beautiful term and one I've been called many times yet for me personally, it doesn't resonate fully. It makes me feel uncomfortable and not because I don't think I am but because this term only addresses a portion of me. You see, I am actually a shadow or dark worker and have been specialising in this field for over 7 years. It's taken me quite some time to be able to really integrate and own this as the true essence of my being but I am now finally able to and I really want to share what a shadow worker is and actually does and how it fits in with the big picture for the planet. It's very different to just someone who "does shadow work" and I'll tell you how. 

Since forever I have been drawn to the darker side of the things. I'm a really deep thinker and feeler and have always had a billion questions about things that aren't so obvious. I usually have a bit of a different or alternative way of looking at things and maybe even what you'd refer to as a non-obvious thinker. My first choice in a movie is always either the psychological thriller or horror movie to see the thinking behind the behaviour, I always wake between 2-3am and find it the most beautiful of times as it is actually when the world is at it's most quiet and the noise has stopped. I am fascinated with docu-series about human behaviour and the trauma that is acted upon if emotions are left undealt with. I prefer the moon and its mysteriousness over the intensity of the sun and the cooler months when the world is a little quieter and darker. I've always wanted to understand truth where it's not obvious and the meaning behind things. This is just how I'm wired and am just naturally more attuned to the shadow world. It's not a "thing I do" but rather the path that has been mapped out by something bigger than me. It's a part of my innate being. 

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In the past, I've been told by those who don't understand and actually fear their own shadow that because I look at the darker side, I am on a vibrationally lower level to them, I have a poor mindset, I'm extremely negative or even a morbid person. It used to really upset me until I finally stopped judging myself that way. What I now know and want to share with you is what the dark/shadow workers of the world actually do. Firstly, in order to hold a space for others to explore and unveil what remains hidden, the shadow worker MUST have done the SHADOW work on themselves. Quite simply, there is NO OTHER WAY to be able to hold the space for others if you have not looked at this yourself! We have dissected parts of our own ego and found our own personal truth and higher self within it. In this process, we have reduced the fear and judgment around the feelings as being either positive or negative and have an understanding that there is a necessary and vital place for it all. My personal expertise within the shadow realms is being able to hold space for people to cathartically release their emotions. The intense range of emotions does not scare me and I am able to hold even the most intense of emotional release. 

Shadow working is all about taking a different path to the light by transmuting the darkness and expelling the fear around it so that the parts of us that remain hidden in these darker places can be brought out into the open. You may actually be really surprised at how many gifts and talents are hiding out in your shadow too because, for whatever reason, there has been a fear of acknowledging them. 

As a shadow worker, I am able to gently guide, support and walk with you into your shadow holding the most sacred space for you meet the parts of yourself that you fear the most. It is such an honour and a privilege to witness the vulnerability, authenticity and pureness that is this work. All of my own experience in finding my way to the light by addressing my own shadow through many years of depression, anxiety, suicidal tendancies and attempts, I now see as the ultimate gifts for my understanding, empathy and ability to hold this space for others. 

If any of you would like to know more about this work, reach out, I'd love to give you any and all information I can! Understanding, acknowledging and ultimately accepting those parts of you that are hidden in your shadow are where the ultimate level of self-love and acceptance are reached. The dark workers of the world aren't people to be feared or judged, it's just how we find our own and are able to assist others in finding their way to the light. 

Please feel free to share this blog with your friends, communities and networks and if you would like any more detail or further discussion, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Until next time xx

A Step-by-Step Guide for Finding the SUPPORT you want!

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you really want something in your life, however, you just have no idea how to actually get it? I found myself in this situation for years in my business. I was wanting to find a network of supportive women, a community of sorts. I didn't just want to be in a group to BE supported, but also to be able to find my confidence to share and support OTHERS. I would join different groups, however, I would always end up with the EXACT same outcome. I would feel okay for a little while, and then slowly but surely I would clam up and eventually disappear from the group altogether.

What I didn't really understand is what support actually MEANT to me, what KIND of support I was actually wanting and what I NEEDED in order to FEEL supported. To put it really simply, I had never really gotten to understand myself enough to be able to define these things! Kinda sounds simple huh? but you know, in a world full of social media, with pages of people asking you join their communities for support and when you do, feeling the EXACT opposite of being SUPPORTED, you really can start feeling like there must be something wrong with you! Reality is, there's nothing wrong with the group AND there's nothing wrong with you, it's just it isn't the fit you need. Can you relate? How many groups have you joined, communities are you a part of where you just don't feel like you it's the right fit? How often do you fade away into the background?  Well, I have some seriously awesome news for you! Through my many years of discomfort in doing this, I've actually formulated a very simple step by step guide to ensure that YOU are CLEAR on the WHAT support means, WHY you are wanting it, WHO can meet you in this and HOW to find them! Sounds pretty cool huh?! I'll walk you through my steps and show you how I have finally found the support I have been searching for. 

The first step is defining what SUPPORT actually means to you? Everyone will have their own definition of this so really getting clear on WHAT it means for you is imperative. For me, the support I was looking for in my business was a space where I could be myself, where I could express myself in safety without any fear of being judged. Where I could be seen and heard without being TOLD how I needed to be. Space where I could ask for advice, yet be given the freedom of taking the advice that best suited me. Space where that support was able to be received AND provided.

Once you are clear on YOUR personal definition of support, the next step is to answer the question WHY do I want this support. What are you hoping to achieve by having this support? How will it make you FEEL? My why was to feel like a part of something where I could gain confidence in a gentle way, MY way, yet also have the opportunity to really support others as well. To communicate, collaborate, a place where a relationship could be established. 

Next is working out the TYPE of people that are able to support you in the way that you want and need. This is a big one! This really requires you to understand YOU! How YOU work, your personal qualities, what serves you and what does the opposite. So, I know I'm highly sensitive, an emotional empath and can be quite shy. Safety is paramount for me. What I really needed more than anything was to be with people where this would actually be okay. I wanted to be in a community where doing things gently was okay. Where strength wasn't determined by the level of HUSTLE but rather, a softer approach was not only valued but seen as equally strong. 

The final step is HOW to actually find this support. For me, it was reading, learning and listening. Not only from the people delivering content but also from other people's responses and reactions and soon enough, you will get a real clue as to WHO can give you the support you are actually looking for. 

Once you actually have all of this information in front of you... I can tell you that you have your map to find what it is you are after and with this level of clarity... you WILL actually find it if that is what you want! 

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For me personally, I have found and am a part of the Gentle Business Mastermind. The founders Amanda, Nicola and Naomi are like a dream come true for a woman who has always questioned whether she can actually make it in the world of business. The example of doing business gently that serves you in the highest possible way whilst honouring fundamentally who you are is the ultimate display of strength I have been searching for. What has happened for me in having this support by not only these three incredible women but the broader group of amazing, talented humans has been incredible. I've become even more clear and confident in my message of the power of transforming a deep connection with oneself, I finally have some consistency and discipline with my business, I am sharing more and more with people and am confident in this sharing, I'm connecting with a broader audience than I ever have before and I am finally seeing myself as a woman of business. 

 

When you understand YOURSELF and what YOU truly need to FEEL the way YOU really want, there literally is only one outcome available and that is the ability to source and deliver a way to actually make all of this happen!

I hope this will help you in finding the support you are wanting and if you would like your own support to explore and understand what YOU really need, please don't hesitate to reach out to me!

And, to check out the incredible things Amanda, Nicola and Naomi are doing in the world of business in their own beautiful way... the links are below.. 

www.amandarootsey.com.au
www.naomiarnold.com
www.nicolanewman.com

Until next time xx