We've all heard the saying, EXPECTATION IS THE KILLER OF JOY, right? And goodness, I've not only experienced this so many times myself, but I see it all the time in the world around me. But hey, what if turn this around so that rather than being the killer of joy, it can actually be the creator of it! Sounds pretty cool huh?!!!
Firstly, we need to understand what an expectation actually is and why it so often falls so short. By definition, an expectation is a strong belief that something will happen. So what that really means is that it's something that we, as a human being MAKE UP in our head. We put a value on something we are doing and EXPECT others to react to it in a certain way. Well, I'm not too sure about you, but hearing it in this way, is it really any wonder that more often than not, we are left feeling disappointed, let down, sad and angry???
An expectation is a value that YOU decide something should have but really, how do you know how everyone else is going to react to something? We all place our unique values on different things so it's completely unrealistic to think that we can have an across the board expectation that everyone fits in to... isn't it?
This being said, it's human nature to have expectations so let's not do the whole, "just don't have them!" thing, rather, let pull this apart so we can experience JOY from our expectations. I want to use a real-life example for me that I had last week just so you can really see how this plays out.
So, last week my website went live. A really big deal for me. It is a culmination of pretty much the past 10 years all written down in a way that I am extremely proud of. Weeks of work went into its creation and it was really exciting for me. I've fallen into the expectation trap many times before but decided that this time I would really be conscious of what was going on to try to create a REALISTIC PERSONAL EXPECTATION rather than one that was based on SOMETHING OUTSIDE OF ME.
Firstly, I acknowledged WHAT I had done to create this website... all of the time, effort and new learnings involved in its creation. I allowed MYSELF TO FEEL REALLY PROUD and I gave MYSELF THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I NEEDED to fill the expectation of WHAT I had achieved.
Secondly, I thought about WHY I created this website... My why was to be able to share the work that I am so passionate about with a greater audience - as many people as I possibly can. I allowed MYSELF TO FEEL REALLY PROUD of this and I gave MYSELF THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I NEEDED to fill the expectation of my WHY.
Next, I thought about WHO I was wanting to share this with. I created a website directly speaking to my ideal client, the people I want to work with. I'd made this really clear and concise and I allowed MYSELF TO FEEL REALLY PROUD and I gave MYSELF THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I NEEDED to fill the expectation of WHO I was reaching.
Finally, I thought about my OVERALL EXPECTATION. You know, in the past I probably would have thought that somehow putting this website out was going to bring me an influx of clients - like.. seriously, that day! However, consciously I thought about it. As a Transformation Coach, the two biggest requirements for my clients in order for them to want work with me is a feeling of TRUST and SAFETY. What I have created on my website is a PLATFORM for my potential new clients to get to know me. I allowed MYSELF TO FEEL REALLY PROUD that I have created EXACTLY that platform and I gave MYSELF THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT I NEEDED to fill my OVERALL EXPECTATION.
The other thing I remembered was that although this was the biggest thing in MY WORLD right now, it kinda wasn't going to be for anyone else!!! BOOM!! Instant expectation game changer!
When I put my website out into the world, I was filled to the brim with my own REALISTIC PERSONAL EXPECTATION having been met. I was feeling JOY in sharing it with the world. Because I had given MYSELF exactly what I had needed to feel seen and feel proud, I wasn't searching for these things from ANYBODY ELSE so any feedback I was given really only added to my joy.
You know, anyone who knows me will know that one of my fundamental personal and business pillars is taking REAL and RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN LIFE. When we approach life in this way, we let the outside world and our family and friends off the hook from having to be our EVERYTHING and rather, we can actually start SEEING and APPRECIATING them for their gifts.
When we start coming from this place of being responsible for ourselves in our expectations rather than putting them onto anyone else, you will actually experience an ABUNDANCE of joy from them rather than destroying that joy as YOU will be able to give YOU exactly what YOU need, in the way YOU need it!
Spread the word, folks!
Until next time xxxxx