A Positive Mindset AND Emotional Integrity

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I've been reflecting a LOT about BALANCE lately and specifically about things NOT having to be an EITHER/OR option. No black or white but a multitude of grey.

You know, there is such collective awareness developing and deepening about the absolute importance of having a positive mindset. Quite literally, your mindset can change your life! I truly believe that. However, I've also noticed that depending on how we label things, ie/ either positive or negative, it can have a profound effect on our emotional health. What if I said to you that ACKNOWLEDGING HOW YOU FEEL AND HAVING A POSITIVE MINDSET ARE NOT MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE?

Let me ask you, do you label your emotions as positive or negative? If so, which emotions are positive, and which are negative? In a majority of cases (at least from my experience) most people will label Joy and Happiness as POSITIVE, and Anger, Fear, Grief, Shame and Joy as NEGATIVE. Let's say this is the case... If we have labelled only one emotion (with its many variants) as positive, how freely do you think you are going to allow your other "NEGATIVE" emotions if you want to maintain your positive mindset?

What I really want to share with you is a different perspective... a grounded perspective that regardless of how you LABEL your emotions, you can actually feel them AND maintain your positive mindset... 

You see, a positive mindset and acknowledgment and allowance  (and permission) to FEEL how it is you are actually feeling can quite easily co-exist. The reason being... Mindset is in your HEAD and feelings/emotions are in your HEART. Your positive mindset isn't going to be tarnished by actually feeling because THEY ARE OPERATING FROM TWO DIFFERENT ORGANS WITHIN YOUR BODY. :)  Kinda cool huh?

Reality is... you can't THINK your way out of a FEELING... I'll say that again... YOU CAN'T THINK YOUR WAY OUT OF A FEELING... You may think that you can OVERRIDE it by ignoring it but DENYING that feeling because you PERCEIVE it as negative and REPLACING it with a positive thought does not actually negate the actual feeling... it just means that you are denying the energy to be RELEASED and SURRENDERED and DISOWNING a very human part of you. That energy doesn't miraculously disappear because ... you CAN'T THINK IT AWAY!!... right?  You actually hold onto it and it gets held in the cells of your body. If you think about the energy behind the emotion of anger... it's got some force behind it, right? Imagine if you continually DISALLOW this feeling over and over and over. Imagine just how much energy and power your little cells are carrying? It's kinda no wonder it ends up manifesting physically right? Think migraines or arthritis...? 

You know, this all comes back to the relationship that you have with yourself and how you actually FEEL and RESPOND to ALL aspects of you. Having this approach with your mindset and emotions being in harmony rather than in battle with each other... kinda sounds like a whole lot more calmness and peace in your everyday life... right? 

I see the shifts with my clients over and over again when the relationship with their head and heart is in unison rather than conflict… There is ease, peace and flow… it truly is a gamechanger. Reach out if you want to change your own life game. l

Until next time xx

Embracing your INNER CRITIC

How do you feel about your inner critic? The most common response I have heard when I ask anyone this is along the lines of hating it, it's annoying, or I wish I could just get rid of it. But I want to offer you a bit of a different perspective in the hope that if I ask you the exact same question at the end of reading this, some of you may respond a whole lot different. 

So I'll make the claim right now that I am an EXPERT in the area of the inner critic! Why? My inner critic and I know each other INTIMATELY. She makes multiple daily appearances in my life and no amount of shooing her away or wishing she wasn't there makes ANY difference at all except maybe making her more persistent! The reality is, she's still there and wishing and wanting it not to be so is just a big waste of time and energy. I realised many years ago that for me, I really had to have a different approach and do something different so I decided to get to know the face behind the voice and start building a relationship with her. 

That face is that of my inner child. That shy, timid little girl who used to be afraid of EVERYTHING! That little girl who didn't know how to say no and just did what everyone told her because they knew better than she did. That little girl who was TERRIFIED of making a mistake, who was the ultimate perfectionist. The disempowered people pleaser. The little girl who was picked on and bullied because she was an easy target and never said anything back. Yep... that little girl. She was the voice of my inner critic. Naming her in this way and thinking about the little girl I was, I kinda felt a little sorry for her and it got me thinking as to how I treat her every time I hear her. Wishing her gone, hating her, hoping she'll disappear. it's just ignoring her all over again. 

What if all that little girl actually needed at that exact moment she was being critical was a little UNDERSTANDING and ACKNOWLEDGMENT? I decided to try it out and goodness me, let me tell you... it is a GAME CHANGER! 

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Reality is, you can't GET RID of your inner critic. It's a part of you. But what you can do is relate to it differently. These days, when she shows up as that little voice in my head, I acknowledge her and actually THANK her for being there and let her know that she can relax and I, AS THE ADULT have got this (This is SELF-PARENTING 101). After all, I don't actually think she is trying to be mean to me, I think she's just scared and it's her way of trying to keep me safe! This really does make sense as when I say I was scared of everything as a child, I pretty well was so it's no wonder she shows up so often. By doing this little process in my head, that inner child is able to relax and rather than pushing her away, I have actually shown myself the love, kindness, compassion and acknowledgment I need to alleviate my fear. 

Our inner critic isn't just some random pop up in our own head that is trying to hurt us but rather is our own fear presenting itself. It's a real opportunity for us to show ourselves love and compassion at a moment when we need it the most. This inner critic is an aspect of our inner child and we have to stop calling her mean and cruel and understand that she's just scared. A simple acknowledgment (or sometimes two or three) really can transform your whole relationship with this aspect of yourself and will not only provide you with the ability to move forward in a moment but also deepen the relationship you have with yourself as a whole. 

I do a lot of this work with my clients and I can tell you that being witness to people transforming this area of their relationship with themselves is one of the most beautiful and precious experiences. Reconnecting with aspects that are normally considered negative, bad or wrong and relating to them differently is where ultimate peace is experienced. 

Until next time xxx